HOW TO STOP SCREAMING AT YOUR KIDS

If you've started yelling, you need to know how to stop screaming at your kids. Yelling and screaming to get the kids' attention is a nasty habit that probably started one day when you were overwhelmed and too tired for positive parenting practices and then before long, it was your secret weapon aka nasty habit.

Believe me, I know what I'm talking about here. As the stress of taking care of a chronically ill child and then my husband started to take its toll...my voice started rising in lockstep. And it worked for a little while but then one day I realized I was turning into THAT mommy.

There was a mom like that in my neighborhood when I was a kid. It was the joke of the block. I can remember hearing this lady's loud, loud voice and the adults laughing and saying stuff like, "There goes Mrs. So and So on her evening rant". Why nobody actually tried to help is beyond me. The woman worked several jobs and had no husband, but if anyone did I was not aware of it.


Getting back to my own life, awhile back, I realized that my speaking voice when dealing with my older girls had risen to levels that probably could be heard next door. An echo that came back at me from across the valley tipped me off and a little voice whispered in my ear, "You need to learn how to stop screaming at your kids!"

Once I dedicated myself to keeping household's noise level to a low hum, I realized I didn't just need to lower my voice. I needed to take a look at where the yelling was coming from. It hit me that my nerves and emotions are shot from sheer overwork and exhaustion. The reason I have started to lose it with the children is because I am overworked and they have started to "take control" which is only natural since mommy appears to have lost hers. They have become powerful as a group in the face of my weakness.

I am going to have to turn the tide, regain control and win back my kids' respect and there is no time like the present. The loving family that I dreamed of and started out with is not going to slip through my fingers for one more minute. I am pledging to take control of my emotions and keep my cool.

Here are some ideas that I I'm putting to work today.

• 
  Stop feeling sorry for myself
  
• Take an attitude of gratitude
  
• Stay in the moment and don't drift into the past or future stressing about what could be or what might have been.
  
• Take a little time for myself so that I'm rested and better equipped to handle things
  
• Take a minute to calm myself before opening my mouth
  

I'm going to read some books on the subject of how to stop yelling at your kids and take the best tips to heart and chunk the rest. I am not going to be the village joke just because my life has not turned out just the way I planned it. My plan is to replace my stressed out chaotic reactions with calm reasoning.

Please pray for me and if you have any suggestions on how I can stay on track and start parenting my kids again rather than losing control and yelling at them I would love to hear from you.

How to Help Children Cope with Death

I’m at the computer for therapy as well as to search for clues on how to help children cope with death. The signs are there, the appetite is failing, the meds have obliterated that cutting wit and at times over the top but always entertaining personality.

As far as I’m concerned, the stages of grief kicked off for me between the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I give thanks to the Lord every night (and during the day when I can’t stop my mind from drifting in that direction) that it wasn’t in his plan to take her to be with him during that time and that we were given one more holiday season where we were once again shamed by her acute sense of knowing what the perfect gift for each and every child might be.

Now, I’m fielding requests from the kids wanting to know why I’m going to visit and they aren’t included. After telling them that the reason is that she’s in the hospital, their reaction was that she needed their comfort and company even more so than when she was at home. I’m at a lost as to how to help the children cope with death since coping with death is not something that I’m so very good at myself.

Maybe the way to cope is not to cope at all, but just to do what we can do to stay busy and productive. Making kids feel productive is a pretty tall order. They want to feel that they are doing something to help. The oldest said she wanted to make cookies so I picked up a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and let her slice them and put them on the cookie sheet. I suggested to the littlest one that it might be a good idea to draw a picture for me to decorate the walls of the hospital room and as I’m typing she’s enthusiastically drawing a picture of a purple cat because according to her, purple is such a happy color.

If purple kitty cats and burned cookies are helping the children cope with death who am I to question the results?

Return to Oooh Baby Baby Parenting and Environmental Issues to read more of my learning experiences in dealing with what life throws at you while raising kids.