How to Help Children Cope with Death

I’m at the computer for therapy as well as to search for clues on how to help children cope with death. The signs are there, the appetite is failing, the meds have obliterated that cutting wit and at times over the top but always entertaining personality.

As far as I’m concerned, the stages of grief kicked off for me between the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I give thanks to the Lord every night (and during the day when I can’t stop my mind from drifting in that direction) that it wasn’t in his plan to take her to be with him during that time and that we were given one more holiday season where we were once again shamed by her acute sense of knowing what the perfect gift for each and every child might be.

Now, I’m fielding requests from the kids wanting to know why I’m going to visit and they aren’t included. After telling them that the reason is that she’s in the hospital, their reaction was that she needed their comfort and company even more so than when she was at home. I’m at a lost as to how to help the children cope with death since coping with death is not something that I’m so very good at myself.

Maybe the way to cope is not to cope at all, but just to do what we can do to stay busy and productive. Making kids feel productive is a pretty tall order. They want to feel that they are doing something to help. The oldest said she wanted to make cookies so I picked up a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and let her slice them and put them on the cookie sheet. I suggested to the littlest one that it might be a good idea to draw a picture for me to decorate the walls of the hospital room and as I’m typing she’s enthusiastically drawing a picture of a purple cat because according to her, purple is such a happy color.

If purple kitty cats and burned cookies are helping the children cope with death who am I to question the results?

Return to Oooh Baby Baby Parenting and Environmental Issues to read more of my learning experiences in dealing with what life throws at you while raising kids.

The Pros and Cons of Christmas

After running through my favorite dofollow mommy blogs and seeing lots of posts stating "I haven't been online for awhile" it makes me feel better that I have let my nice new blog languish with no entries for about two weeks. My how time flies this time of year. On one hand, I'm ready to hit New Year's and clear the Christmas tree and trappings out of the house and on the other, I'm gently applying the brakes to prolong the magic of the season.

WHAT'S DIFFERENT - The PROS of the Season

I take the long route through my temporary seasonal neighborhood each and every trip to the discount store. Kudos to my neighbors for their prize winning, creative decorations. One house that I've never been able to view from the street for the trees gets the prize for the most breathtaking display even though I STILL can't see the front door! She (or they or whoever)has done an extremely artful job of stringing twinkling white lights throughout the forest. I'm sure that the folks who are working their way through the devastating ice storm up north would not appreciate the faux ice storm, but in the quiet of the dark 80 plus degree southern night it is truly beautiful. This property owner took lemons and made juicy, flavorful lemonade by working with what she had and the (mostly) natural beauty has outdone the multitudes of door wreaths, reindeers and Santa Claus vignettes hands down!

GOTTA HAVE SOME CONS

I hate to say it, but the cons take the award this year for sheer numbers. As I mentioned a few posts back, my mother refused to come this far south....period. I must admit that I have enjoyed calling her to inform her how very lovely the weather has been until a day ago. This woman never ceases to amaze me as to how she can spin everything to be so incredibly about HER! With less than two weeks before Christmas, she has informed me that she has a health issue and needs to go to the doctor. And guess what? She expects me to travel north to take her! What the heck??? Here I am with children, animals and more on my shoulders than I can handle some days and she can't drive (or take a taxi) to the doctor's office?

I know that she is getting up there in age and she may have something going on healthwise, but I also know her and her manipulative ways. She has realized she is going to be alone for Christmas as she refused to come south. This is her way to get me up there so that she can have it her way. I can't believe the self centered ways of some people when they get older. Is this the same mother that sacrificed her time for me as a child? Blazing cannons would not have pulled her away from her children during the holidays. Why is she expecting this of me? Is there any wonder that depression runs rampant during this time of year. With all of the demands it's a wonder that more people don't crack open a bottle and cock the pistol! Not that I'm to that point, but I can see where people might go there.