Parenting Styles

I had an excellent opportunity to get a good look at my siblings parenting styles over Thanksgiving and I'm certain that I'll get another taste during the Christmas and New Year's holidays. I'm one to resist spewing parenting advice to others for the simple reason that no matter what the kids do at home, there is really no way of knowing what they will do when they are in public.

Long story short, Thursday night I broke my own rule of not becoming involved. No, one of the cousins did not whack one of my girls on the head or try to sneak peanuts to my baby with a severe peanut allergy. The little darling disrespected my mom's home.

I didn't lose control and even managed not to criticize my sister's severely relaxed parenting style but I just could not keep my mouth shut. She was raised in the same house as I was with the same values and to see her let her child get away with a level of destructive behavior that we never would have been caught dead practicing under the darkest cover of darkness or under a cloak of anonymity, much less in the middle of a family gathering in full daylight was just too much.

To give you some background, mom has had the same living room furniture all my life. On her birthday we pooled our resources and bought her a new set of end tables and a coffee table challenging dad to buy a sofa, chair and loveseat which he did. Thursday was her day to show the completed room off and you could tell that she was so very proud.

I reminded my girls to mind their manners and keep food at the table and to play outside as did all of my brothers and sisters EXCEPT for the one who believes in a loose and indulgent style of parenting. Things started out alright and then her little boy got rowdy and thought it was a good idea to stand on the coffee table, jump on the new sofa and break a lamp. After each incident, the expected admonishment never arrived.

Finally, after the lamp crashed to the floor. I took matters into my own hands and told the little boy to get outside with the other children and pulled my sister aside to give her a piece of my mind. She proceeded to give me a rundown of her preferred style of child-rearing and how she wanted her child to have freedom to make his own choices to build his self-esteem. Parenting styles and self esteem be hanged, that was my mother's house and I shared a piece of my mind and shared a little unappreciated advice with her on how to discipline her son.

Was I wrong in the way I handled the situation? I would appreciate it if those of you who visit Family Recipes, Babies and Parenting Issues would give me a little advice before the family Christmas get-together.

Thanksgiving Time Savers

One of the best Thanksgiving time savers that I put to work yesterday (and the day before) would make my great-grandmother's head spin backwards. Yeah, I was raised to believe that it was a sin or at the very least something to be embarrassed about if the can opener came into play at any time during the preparation of the holiday feast.

The rest of the year, the dancing glove was the enemy but on Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter canned goods were left in the cabinet or better yet, the grocery store. The exception was, of course, something that you had canned yourself in a Mason jar.

This year, with all of the stress and extra workload in keeping the house disinfected so that everybody won't get MRSA that doesn't already have it, I bit the bullet and took a few shortcuts. And I have to tell you that of all the heretofore forbidden Thanksgiving time savers, canned chicken broth was the absolute BEST!

Led to believe that the taste of canned broth was easily detected when compared to homemade, I had never experimented with it. Under the gun this year, I forgot to buy a hen and simmer it to have my broth ready to make the dressing and gravy. After a quick and surreptitious dash to the grocery before lunch, six cans of Sweet Sue saved the day. The empty cans were bagged, hidden and buried in the dumpster and NOBODY said a thing about any of the recipes having a slightly "off" flavor.

Not having to make room in the refrigerator to store the homemade broth alone probably saved me an hour! That may not sound like much but on a busy holiday, every hour counts.

I would be curious to know if you discovered any Thanksgiving time savers that you might want to share. As for me, you can bet that I've got six more cans of this stuff on my grocery list to have on hand for Christmas. Am I proud that I jumped in and did what I had to do to make Thanksgiving dinner a success? You bet I am! Am I going to tell my grandmother what I did? Well, no. In fact, the canned broth is written in code on my grocery list and I plan to hide the cans in the trunk of the car. Will I be found out? You will have to return to Family Recipes, Babies and Parenting Issues to see more Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday time savers and to see if anybody outs me.

FAMILY TRADITIONS

Digging through my recipe box, what I have in my hands is a box of family traditions. Some of the cards are so stained that I can hardly read them but because the instructions and ingredients are in my grandmother’s handwriting, the thought that someday I will have no choice but to discard them breaks my heart. Each creased and dog-eared rectangle is soaked in memories.

And with each passing day, I appreciate more and more the importance of family traditions. It gives me pause to think what part of our lives that my girls are storing away in their minds that will be remembered in their adult lives. Somehow I know that what might strike them as memorable and important may not be the things that I regard as profound. I can already tell that from talking to my niece who is slightly older than my oldest daughter. I will ask her if she remembers this or that day that is crystal clear in my mind’s eye only to find that she has no recollection of the events whatsoever.

What I am counting on is that as my baby girls get older and find themselves in difficult or upsetting circumstances that they will have comforting memories of a stable childhood to bring them comfort. What I’m doing to foster these memories is keeping variety to a minimum especially when it comes to the holidays. My basic Thanksgiving and Christmas menu will always include certain dishes with a few experimental dishes on the side because I believe that repetition is the key to family traditions.

My sister and I have a standing joke about how every year until we left home mom and dad decorated shoeboxes with aluminum foil to hold oranges, apples and nuts supposedly left by Santa. It worries me that my girls will remember this coming Christmas as the one when dad was so sick and mom was worn out and worried. This thought has put my wheels in motion to focus on building fun holiday family traditions that will overshadow their dad’s current health crisis.

Before the season get in full swing, I’m organizing my favorite family recipes and making a list of fun holiday traditions from my own childhood that I want my daughters to enjoy. I’m not going to put a lot of pressure on myself to decorate the house like I’m trying to win “Home of the Year” or buy tickets to every holiday production within a 100 mile radius but I am going to do my best to keep it fun and keep Christ in Christmas. And I am not going to repeat my mother’s mistake of forcing Christmas stuff on my girls. One funny memory I have is mom telling us to get ourselves dressed and get in the car before we completely ruined everything and that we were going to LOVE the Nutcracker whether we liked it or not!

Come back later to see my list of Fun Holiday Family Tradtions that I come up with and please feel free to leave some suggestions for me in case I come up short.

QUALITY FAMILY TIME

I'm having trouble figuring out how to squeeze in quality family time this holiday weekend. I was not aware that September was a big baby delivery month but if the number of birthday parties that my kids were in invited to attend today alone, there must have been a premature ice storm or something four or five years ago if you catch my drift.

With such a busy schedule and dear daddy taking half the kids in one direction with mommy (yours truly) heading in the other with the remainder of our little crew in tow I had to ponder if trying to attend every get together was the best plan. The girls were so tired that they took a short, unsatisfying nap in the car on the way home and are now half-heartedly splashing in the bath while I'm heating spaghetti sauce and boiling noodles for supper.

Tomorrow we are going to have some quality family time, together, as a unit barring some unseen disaster. My goal is to pull the plug on the television and the football games (sorry, Honey) and to turn on the telephone. Mom, dad and the kids are going to play and laugh and spend some time making memories.

Return to Oooh Baby Baby Parenting, Family and Environmental Issues to see if I make good on my promise.